"A Part of Your World"

 Setting: Candlewood Suites- Indianapolis, Indiana

 I arrive at the Candlewood on Monday night with my rental car around 6:30 pm and head to the front desk to check in. To describe “Rosalind” does not even begin to do her justice, but I will try. She is about 300lbs,weave for days, multi colored fingernails as long as my fingers, and no eyebrows. Ok, that’s not completely true….she does have eyebrows. They were just drawn on with a black eye liner pencil. And they are each larger than a banana, and about as girthy.  As I approach the front desk she seems to be on the phone helping a guest who is lost.

 Unfortunately, she doesn’t know where they are and neither do they, so they aren’t making much headway. This goes on for about 7 minutes and by now a bit of a line is forming behind me. I can see my room key and just need to get it from her so the following scene occurs:

 Me: Excuse me, I just need to check in.

Ros: Well, I am not an octopus.

Me: (shocked and bewildered) I understand that you are not an octopus. I would just like my room key.

Ros: Last name?

Me: Levine. Thank you.

 Wow- she seriously told me that she is not an octopus. As if that is some type of proper response to me being a little impatient. So I text message Mark and let him know the woman at the front desk is not an octopus. Just in case he is wondering. And before I even get a chance to tell the octopus story he texts back…"I know, doesn’t she look like Ursula?"

Amazing. 

So maybe this happens to poor Rosalind a lot. Maybe people mistake her for a multi-limbed aquatic creature and she is a little defensive about it. If that is the case, then I do apologize. I should have never alluded to the fact that perhaps Rosalind, the front desk employee, could possibly ever do more than one thing at a time. 

Let's hope the apple falls far...far...away

My new roomie Julie and I were taking a walk down memory lane...aka flipping through my ghetto magic marker scrap book...and we came upon the following email from my dad. 

This email is regarding a "road trip" in college (I repeat, COLLEGE) driving from Miami, FL to Lakeland, FL (yup, both in Florida. Same state) for a theatre conference. Not a rock concert, or a rave, not a demolition derby...a theatre conference. 

Law and Order opening sound cue: The email you are about to read is based on actual events- no people, places, or words have been fictionalized. Some commentary has been added. 

"Lindsay, you need to get a map with good directions, have your AAA membership card and cell phone with full battery charge. DO NOT make unnecessary calls on the trip, that wastes the battery. Take the charger with you so you can recharge while you are there, and do not leave and forget to take the phone and the charger with you. If your audition time is late and you will not be able to get back before dark, just leave and forget it (that's my favorite part). Tell them you are not allowed to drive back at night and need to be on the road by 2pm to make it back by dark. (First of all, who are "them"? These people that are supposed to care about the driving rules for a twenty year old?  Secondly, should I just stop my audition for professional theatres because I can't drive for four hours as dusk? I can't be certain, but I think that might ruin my chances of being hired by theatres where traveling, not being codependent or being a normal human is involved?)

When is the last time you had your tire pressure checked? Also, keep the tank full. You may end up stuck in traffic, delayed, or not be able to get to a gas station so fill if you get to half a tank. Christian needs permission from his parents to go with you. (I am certain this is not the most scandalous thing Christian did in college without telling his parents. Fairly certain...) Do not get distracted. Let us know when you leave, check in each hour on the way, and way back. If I think of anything else, I'll let you know. Now, have a nice and pleasant trip. "