Stop, Drop, and Roll with it...

It's 3 am. I have been sleeping for about an hour and a half when I fanitly hear a beeping noise. Sitting up in my bed, I listen for it again. Nope. Weird. Something must've been going off in my neighbors room. Wait...wait for it...wait for it...and yup. There it is. There is definitely a high pitched beeping sound randomly coming from somewhere in my hallway. Well, shit. This means I am going to have to get up and figure this out...
Beep-Beep-Beep-Beep...Now there are several things beeping...all at once, intermittently, with a pattern, without...there is a regular symphony of high pitched alarms in my apartment.
Now, let me back this up a bit and explain something. I live in a one bedroom apartment. It is approximately 550 square feet. And my father equipped it with approximately four smoke alarms and five carbon monoxide detectors. From Costco. A value pack of life saving devices intended to be purchased by large families who live in the suburbs with three kids, a dog, and, I dont know...perhaps a two story home that would merit this combo pack of alarm sysytems?
(On a side note, I would like to point out that they sell pregnancy tests in multipacks at Costco. If you need to be bulk supplies of pregnancy tests, then perhaps you should be buying bulk supplies of something else...just a thought.)
But back to my cacaphonous living quarters-there are alarms for the alarms. There is a master alarm. And every single thing that could possibly be beeping at this moment, is.
Calming my self down I manage to grab the step stool and begin waving my arms in front of the main detector in the hallway. I try this because I saw Phillip do it once when he was making pasta in my kitchen and accidentally set off one of my dad's booby traps. Alas, it worked for him, but I seem to be getting nowhere. The next step involves pulling some of these alarms off the wall. There is clearly no fire, and they shouldnt all be going off anyway, so I figure the best thing to do is rid myself, and my neighbors, of the nuisance.
After pulling each alarm off the wall...there is one beeping sound that won't let up. One alarm in my fathers Costco arsenal that must be heard. This gets me thinking...what if something actually is wrong? What if there is an invisible gas permeating through my walls at this very moment and my stubborness will be my ultimate downfall as I lay on the wood floor dying.
With each beep I could hear the story my dad told of the medical examiner he used to know that wound up dead due to carbon monoxide...
"Get it?" he would say, "The irony?"
"He was a medical examiner. He did this for a living."
"Get it?"

Yeah, dad I get it. I know what irony is. The last thing I want is for people to tell the story of the young girl with 9 alarms in her apartment who ignored them all and died anyway of smoke inhalation and carbon monoxide poisoning as she lay sorrounded in flashlights, fire extinguishers, and duct tape. Talk about irony.
So, I read the back of one of the alarms and this is exactly what it says:

"Carbon monoxide is a silent killer. You cannot see it or smell it, but it can kill you.
Please contact the fire department immediately."

So I do. I grab my iphone and dial 911 for the first time in my life. Within 30 seconds three fire trucks and several fire man pull up to my apartment building and I let them in. Wearing matching GAP flannel Christmas pajamas and holding one of my three fire extinguishers (also purchased at Costco) I must've looked like quite the resident maniac. Pyro maniac.
The fireman was able to hold in the laughter when we covered the amount of alarms I had removed but couldn't hold in the giggles when I told him I have never used the stove.
His carbon monoxide detector didnt detect anything, and his only theory was that something set off one alarm which sent them all into a tizzy. We located the rogue alarm, he had a good laugh telling his buddies about my portable fire extinguishers and they were on their way.

Well, here's the good news: I did not die. The firemen were super fast. And I felt good defending my dad when the firefighters laughed at his obsessive compulsive ways. He may not be the best communicator, he may lecture me on how to use a tape measurer or the best ways to get into grad school even though I am not applying, but he will do everything he can to make sure I dont set myself on fire the next time I put ramen in the microwave with no water.
And this week when my dad came to visit and inspect his systems, I did my best to stay patient when he nixed the hanging of a corkboard in the kitchen cause a piece of paper might leap its way into the toaster...but I drew the line when he suggested I purchase a rope ladder. That's all I need is the neighbors seeing crazy fire alarm girl crawling out of her apartment window on a rope ladder from Home Depot when there is a perfectly good fire escape. You have to draw the line somewhere.