Friday, January 25, 2008

The Privilege to Pee...

The ability to control one's bladder is a very undervalued talent in my opinion. When you spend the week in New York City, you realize how important it is to be the boss of your own bowel movements of any kind. Now, here at the MIA we definitely are uber aware of every intestinal rise and fall...but just wait until you are in the middle of Times Square after drinking a liter of water on the subway and you know, deep in your heart (or lower abdomen, if you will) that there is to be no rest for the weary. 
There are NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS IN NEW YORK CITY. It's a fact. Granted a non-researched, unverified Lindsay Levine fact, but a fact nonetheless. I believe with all my heart that it is true. And quite frankly...would you use a Public Restroom in NYC if given the option? 
Don't think so. Having jumped out of a plane I still don't feel like taking my life in my own hands and using a totally public restroom in Manhattan. Who would clean it? Who would guarantee there was not a royal rat family living in the porcelain throne?? Oh, the whole idea is terrifying. 
So now to my big idea...I believe there is a goldmine awaiting the non-working actors of NYC and it is to help provide tourists with the inside "scoop" on available restrooms in the Midtown area. As soon as I started talking about using the restroom with several of my friends waiting for a Wednesday matinee, I was bombarded with comparisons between the restrooms in the Hotel Edison, Paramount, and Lucky Deli. Now, of course the Hotel Edison is not as swank as the Paramount, but the restroom is easier to access....Christian works as a concierge at the Paramount, so that is his preferred eau de toilet, and you have to buy something to use the one in the Lucky Deli...I mean, who cant use a pack of gum or a chocolate covered cherry? The Lucky Deli comes out ahead in my book because you get a private changing area and refreshments : ) However, at the end of the conversation I ended up walking down to the Westin on 43rd for old times sake...
Who knew we had so many options when there are absolutely none for the naked eye to see? Hotels are the untapped resource for all kinds of things...After working in them for about a year and a half I realized it was possible to have a warm/or, in the summer, cool place to set my stuff, hang out on a couch, and use the wireless Internet while killing an hour between appointments and such. The key to abusing hotel lobbies is to appear confident and act like you belong...its very similar idea to crashing a wedding I would imagine...

Here are some suggestions on how to successfully loiter in a hotel lobby without being escorted out by security:

1- ask the concierge a touristy yet "with it" question...make a friend...pretend like you used to live here and are just re visiting....this will make him respect you and not question your super savvy ways...
2- ride the elevator up...get out on a floor...and then come back down to hang in the lobby again...
3- look at your watch or phone incessantly to let "them" (being the overly power tripped front desk staff) know you are waiting for someone and are not necessarily happy about it...

Best of luck to all you New Yorkers and visitors who need to drop a load in the Big Apple...if you have any suggestions or favorite spots please feel free to respond : ) 


1 comment:

Chase Milcott said...

There's the Marriot Marquis, too. There's so much touristy traffic between theater patrons and hotel customers that nobody will hassle you. Escalator to the second floor, follow the signs. And they're fairly swanky, no rat families to worry about.